(right click on photographs and texts for enhanced information)
I wrote this poem while thinking of the Walt Whitman reference. Click for reading of Whitman's poem. I was thinking how stupid it is to hope for more than the present on the basis of a Christian explanation. If anyone doesn't love this world they would hate 'heaven' too. Both are said to be made by God. To sing this world is not my home seems to be the ultimate sacrilege from my point of view.
God, the universal principle, did put us here. I doubt that the universe changed it's mind and cursed us to extinction. That, I believe, is a 'religious' explanation for our circumstances. Religion has always been the refuge of governments and kingdoms. But religion bears no resemblance to the world seen with the eyes and experienced with the senses. Some say the religious have their heads in the clouds. I suspect they are doing a visual search for hemorrhoids on themselves.
The ultimate mystery is the alchemy of sunlight, moonlight and the response. That response is seen in my garden.
Whitman’s Dog
I would rather live and die as a dog going from one thing to another collecting,experiences senses full of all around him, who, knowing his time has come, finds a place to lie down alone without fears of judgment and hell, thinking only of closing his eyes one more time.
Whitman reference below
"I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain'd, I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition, They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins, They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God, Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things, Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago, Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth."
(Right click on highlighted texts and photographs)
The 'fiddler' and the 'devil' have a scam going. It's called capitalism. It is characterized by placing profits at the top of the list of priorities while placing human well-being way down on the list. I keep thinking of Jesus and 'the Kingdom of God' in which the eternal process is set up to keep on keeping on. The 'Father' sees to it that everything gets what it needs to keep on keeping on. That is how Jesus describes the 'Kingdom'. The interlude we are experiencing now in the Gulf of Mexico, caused by people whose sole purpose for existence is the acquisition of 'mammon', wealth, stands in direct contrast to the 'Kingdom of God' which Jesus spoke of. Luke 16 seems quite applicable.
My eldest son came to visit. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas in NY. He arrived on the 11th of June and left today the 16th. June 13th was my 1st anniversary here alongside the side of the pond.
It is anniversary of another kind as well. In 1993 on June 13th both of my sons and I were here. I asked them both to truck on down to Buffalo and see the Grateful Dead with me. My youngest son and I had gone the previous year, this year all three of us went. It was the last time I got to see the Grateful Dead. We had a good time.
Matt came out last year right after I moved, this is the first that Jay has been here. I had anticipated his arrival since the end of winter when he said he was able to make it. I had wanted him to see how gorgeous the area was and how comfortable my new home was.
We set off on a trip that had too many goals in relationship to the time allowed us. This resulted in changing plans on the fly. We had set out to drive down the coast from Warrenton, stopping to see the sights and taking photographs when we saw something interesting. Truth be told there are many interesting things, far too many to be seen in the time we had to allot to this activity.
We left the driveway thinking we would ‘drift’ down the coast on Highway 101 and see the different lighthouses along the way. But after two lighthouses, an idea we had earlier and had not been able to accommodate in the time we had, came back. Crater Lake!!
Two lighthouses were enough, we could always come back. We decided to go directly to Crater Lake. The decision wasn’t made because the drive was boring, but my son had wanted to see the lake. So we went.
It’s a long drive. We left Warrenton before 8 and arrived at Crater Lake at sunset. All by chance we stumbled onto a scene that blew my mind.
It was the middle of June and there was a lot of snow still on the ground. Behind us on the ’rim’ drive was Crater Lake.
Finding this felt like a serendipity. We didn’t know where we were going and then it was there! That was my impression . But my son has a gps thingy and in retrospect I suspect that played a part in getting there. I was unaware of it being a factor at the time as he was driving and I was lookin’.
We took a lot of pictures and saw a lot of scenery that left me feeling humbled.
We came down from the lake on narrow roads that lay in front of us like a long series of ‘S’ curves in the dark, mountainside on the left, a sheer drop-off on the right. We were tired and exited onto route 62 fully expecting to drive another 50 miles to Klamath and the nearest motel. But about 5 miles from the park entrance we spotted a sign that said ‘Wilson’s Cottages’ and decided to stop.
I experienced the old wood work with a sense of nostalgia having been brought to places just like this by my parents as a child. Clean and neat and a hell of a lot better than driving another hour and then another hour back in the morning.
When I woke in the morning I discovered that we were in a forest of very tall trees.
There’s a path, if you look hard, down to Annie Creek which exit’s the park and runs behind the cottages. I heard it before I saw it while walking the path in the morning. The air was fresh and sweet, the only sounds I recall were those made by myself and then as I drew close the sound of water gurgling rapidly in Annie Creek.
One thing that struck me was that the 1930’s comforts acted as a catalyst to put me into a slower pace, a pace disconnected from the hyper fast society demanding more than can be reasonably expected. This is a good place to ‘get away’ and find your bearings. About five mile from the entrance of the park is a real plus too.
Crater Lake sits over 7000‘ above sea level. It is 1900‘ deep at it’s deepest spot. We went back up to see it in the daylight. There was still a lot of snow on the ground and it had snowed the week before. The sky was clear blue and the lake was as pure a blue as you can bring to mind.
I had gotten some sore muscles from all the walking, but by my return the soreness was a memory, and it was a good soreness in that it awakened my sedentary body. Nothing like walking in the sand, over rocks and leaping rivulets to take it’s toll on a body that has done nothing but sit around for a year. It gave me the idea I had better keep walking.
On our drive down the coast we passed Cannon Beach and stopped first at some of the Neahkahnie view points overlooking Manzanita and the Pacific Ocean. Today it was overcast and it remained a sodden gray not quite daring to rain until mid afternoon when the skies became higher and gave way to broken patches of blue and white allowing sunlight to shine.
This is not abnormal weather behavior. It keeps the North Coast from getting boring.
I took a lot more photographs than I posted here. Way too many to post here. But on the way back to Warrenton we discovered another really pleasant surprise called Yachats. I'll have some pictures of that next time.
Most people, even Christians, think Jesus is foolish when he encourages people not to worry about the future. When he encourages a life that does not envision tomorrow most are prone to laugh. Believers will explain the words away declaring he does not mean what he says.
Jesus came teaching about the kingdom of God in which natures processes were Gods method of maintaining life and order.
Do the lilies grow, are the birds fed? Does God care for you? Well according to Jesus God cares and has a system that shows it.
For most Americans this concept is meaningless. Common sense says there is a future to prepare for and that gold, the symbol of creature comforts, is the solution to the fear of the future.
The God of Jesus,which he called 'Father' has become irrelevant to most Christians because they have accepted the explanation of modern society whose confidence relies on politicians and manufacturers to provide the needs of life.
The God of Jesus is the one who brings the seasons. Seed time and harvest are his province. However present society populated by Christians and atheists alike have abandoned trust in the 'Father' of Jesus.
America claims to be a Christian nation. When it organizes itself the way it has is it possible to maintain such a view with any credibility? The result of lacking faith in the 'Father' results in the consequences Jim Hightower has pointed out.
(click on photographs then click again for expanded detail. Click on highlighted texts for reference information)
A fledgling on the grass is brought to the cracked corn in the yard and fed by his caretaker. Then it is left alone.
The little bird is one who survived ravens, eagles, cats and other dangers. I imagine a number of hatchlings did not survive. This one made it to May 17.
As I watched the scene seeing it left there by itself I wondered what it was thinking; clothed only in it's fluffy fledgling feathers. I am certain there was an intelligence within it and it's caregiver that is directing its future.
It's a big world now little fledgling, you've got a life to live.
Despite all the mating activity of the ducks I have yet to see one duckling in the pond, but I did see a mallard hen leading a number of ducklings down the banks toward the pond. Never saw them again. There are coons, cats and coyotes that find ducklings desirable as well as ravens and eagles do. Out the window now grackles are still chasing ravens from the pines on the far side of the pond.
Some christian teachers have said that nature is a lesson from the creator. What is the creator trying to tell us? The American mystic, Ellen White had this to say in a book titled 'Education':
I know some who would say nature teaches us that life is cruel. However I don't fault the predator; what would it do if it did not eat? I know some who will say the Creator has shown us the beauty of nature and be unwilling to make further conclusions.
What I see is an entire process able to keep on working and an intelligence that guides it despite the interference of humans. The mystery is the process. I call this process God for lack of a more comprehensive description. Lao Tzu understood observations such as this as to be analogous to a correct concept of God.
I wrote this poem in the context of the transience I understand the present experience to be. I have never found anything to remain permanently. All that exists will cease to exist. Show me one thing that is not like this.
Do you know of another reality? Can you imagine, something that never changes? Something that is the same all the time? If you can refer to something like that I want to know about it. (click on photograph for detail)
Click highlighted text for feature length PBS documentary about ravens.
Ravens are fairly common here. They tend to be slightly larger than the crows I left in New York. They're fun to watch. Their movement is hilarious, sometimes they will leap sideways or backwards. It almost looks like the bird is attached to an invisible string that is yanked suddenly, jerking him. But his movement is done with precision, timing and bounce in his legs. The raven is a a genuine acrobat on the ground or in the air. I have watched one chase a small hawk and steal its prey. It is quite a sight.
They are always inquisitive. When I throw corn out for the ducks they will often show up in pairs within a few minutes. Not much goes on they are not aware of. I guess its their business.
In the last few weeks I have seen a raven being pursued in the air by 6 or more grackles on several occasions. They pursue in what appears to be a well thought out attack scenario; they dive bomb from above, strike from all angles on the sides and come up from underneath simultaneously and always end up chasing the intruder off. I imagine they were guarding their homestead.
Today I videoed a pair of grackles on the ground harassing a raven. Their persistence tells me this is non ordinary behavior. Ordinarily they would not associate at all.
I know the grackles have been building nests and I think that is the reason for their unrelenting harassment of the ravens.
(Click on highlighted texts and photographs for further information)
I saw the heron alight on a partially submerged tree. I got my camera and went out.
The light was muted. It was cloudy and even though the sun was up it was not a large presence. (a feature I find desirable about the area is the way the weather creates different light scenarios.}
All things work together: I have watched them reverting, And have seen how they flourish And return again, each to his roots.
This, I say, is the stillness: A retreat to one's roots; Or better yet, return To the will of God, Which is, I say, to constancy. The knowledge of constancy I call enlightenment and say That not to know it Is blindness that works evil.
But when you know What eternally is so, You have stature And stature means righteousness And righteousness is kingly And kingliness divine And divinity is the Way Which is final.
The sound of the sea filled me. I had to stop and listen. At first there was just a constant roaring and then it modulated itself. There was a sound like that of a subway train entering the station. And then it returned to a constant roar.
I listened, being as charmed as if it were a bird chirping on the windowsill.
All audio and visual by David H. Roche Other text as credited in the body of the blog post. Copyright 2010
I’ve come back to my hometown for Christmas in my 63rd year.
The stereo is playing Bing Crosby; nostalgia is sought for as some kind of assurance that everything will return the past for a short while, if only in the way we feel.
Some would quickly return to the safety of the days evoked by the music, feeling that there must be some refuge from the excruciating pain of the present and the inevitable horror waiting them in the future. Still, death, ‘the king of terrors’, waits patiently. We feel it in our bones, and see it in the faces around us framed with gray hair, wrinkles, pain relying on a timetable to take the daily, ever growing, allotment of pills.
The underlying unspoken thought is of who will be here next year for Christmas and who will be missing. It is a cultural imperative to be filled with angst over this. The thought of death in our culture is couched in language designed to fill us with fear.
As far as I can tell the reasons for fear resides in the way in which we understand ourselves as persons. I have the feeling, in fact I’m fairly convinced, this fear is the result of the misunderstanding of the nature of the human being and that the fear is unnecessary because it is based on a misunderstanding concerning what and who they are.
I’m sitting in PDX with 4 hours to wait, my mother born in 1907 on this date. I’m left to figure out what it means and it is difficult because the explanations handed down to me have not made any sense.
I have begun the 63rd year of my life in a different place than I began my first and subsequent 62 years. Every other year began and ended in the same place; Cayuga County New York. This year I am in Oregon waiting in Portland for flights to Atlanta, Cincinnati, and finally Syracuse. I’m returning to New York for the holidays. I no longer think of it as home.
Teenagers in the nearly empty terminal with time on their hands and energy to release ‘moon walk’ back and forth on the ‘people mover’. I watch from the perimeter wondering what I will find when I get to my destination.
What does it mean to be going home? What does home mean? Who are you? What am I? What does all this living business mean? These are the questions on my mind tonight as I watch people with colored lights in their eyes and in their memories passing me. I have an answer that that satisfies me, or perhaps I have simply found another way to approach the questions. Answers, I have found, continue to change.
Ordinarily people don’t ask these questions, they accept the answers and explanations given them because it provides an entire scenario ready to be believed. They have built a world from it. _______________________________________________________
In Cincinnati two young couples stand in the main aisle directly in front of me. A long haired boy and girl and a boy in camouflage with a crew cut, his face adorned with a forced smile in an attempt to disguise his emotions. His arm is around a young heavyset girl as photographs are taken with cell phone cameras. None of the group appears old enough to buy a beer. The heavyset girl is unable to hide her sorrow and is finally overtaken by tears throwing her arms around the camouflaged boy while the other two continue to take pictures. When it’s time to board three leave together, the fourth, in camouflage, stays behind.
The boy in camouflage boards the same plane I do for Syracuse. As he passes my seat I see four letters on a strip over his pocket. They spell ‘Fink’. It is obvious to me he is going far away from home for Christmas. I can only imagine how he feels. I wonder if he knows he’s being used and that his life has only a very narrowly defined value in the minds and contexts of those who are sending him away from home for Christmas.
A fortyish woman in jeans, pretty but tired, with three teenagers in tow explains to them that they will be able to get on the plane as she hands each a snack and a ticket. They appear weary too, but not as weary as their mother.
In New York my son meets me. He loves me and I see it in his eyes and feel it in my heart. My grandchildren hug me at my other son’s house. I marvel at how well they have been raised and how they are growing.
My sister’s family has partially arrived. Those from Australia on an around the world trip get here first. Her eldest daughter with her boyfriend have been stuck almost a week in Paris due to snow in Philadelphia. They arrive minus three pieces of luggage that are still in Luxembourg.
My brother’s family is continuing to arrive from Florida, Georgia, California, Maryland and New York. It appears that the offspring of my mother and father have produced 50 or so additional offspring and connecting nodes. Some I have never seen before. This is the way it is supposed to be; we expand, multiply and become diverse; strengthening the human race by diversity. In a hundred years we will have expanded even more having spent our strength and become memories to be recalled in conversations over photographs on Christmas Eve.
No one wants to talk about death even though it is in everyone’s thoughts as we look at those around us with wrinkles and pain who have become mere shadows of the images in our minds from years gone by. Most are waiting for Jesus to come and take them home. I suppose I am too if I can be allowed to understand it in my own way.
For better or for worse we are a religious family. Most if not all have broken the restraints of the faith handed to them by their parents in order to forge a belief that makes sense to them. All our lives have changed and are changing. Thank God for that.
A man can only be home when he is at peace with himself. I am finally home despite the distance from the place of my birth.
More and more 'pie in the sky bye and bye' has fewer and fewer charms for me when compared to the way the sun lights the grasses at the end of the day and how the breeze makes the grasses sway. I saw the rich colors out the window and had to stop and look.
Moments like this draw me out of myself to meditate on what is really there and to think of what it means. And while I am thinking, the sun sets, the colors leave and I am in the dark. But I have swallowed the seeds of illumination.
It is odd that I should feel the way I do because everyday I am closer to dying and being 'lost'. These are the 'ultimate' concepts impressed on me as a child and all through my adult life. (They are still being impressed on the minds of children in the care of Christian fundamentalists.)
But, shouldn't I cling to something' in this situation? Is the reaction I was taught appropriate to a situation like mine? I was taught that holding on to something; the future, the past, something other than this slippery mercurial moment that can't be held would make me safe.
Asking questions in the context of time elaborated on by Albert Einstein was the key that allowed the door to remain open for me. When reality resumed I realized I had been taught many 'well meaning' ideas, but that they were fundamentally incorrect in the way they were presented. They were not only incorrect, but harmful to me as a person.
The idea of despising the moment of God's providence was the way I learned to be unfaithful and ungrateful for the day by day sustenance Jesus said his 'Father' provides for all of creation. I learned to trust in another 'Father', one in the 'future' whose throne is on Wall Street. In that context Jesus' words are just foolishness.
"24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?"
Similar thoughts are here in Verse 16 of the Tao. Click on the 'Tao Te Ching'.
"Touch ultimate emptiness, Hold steady and still.
All things work together: I have watched them reverting, And have seen how they flourish And return again, each to his roots.
This, I say, is the stillness: A retreat to one's roots; Or better yet, return To the will of God, Which is, I say, to constancy. The knowledge of constancy I call enlightenment and say That not to know it Is blindness that works evil."
Jesus explained the providence of his 'Father' in the same way Lao Tzu described the providence of the 'mighty Way'. Everything keeps on keeping on. Food keeps growing, rain keeps falling, the sun keeps shining and we keep falling in love to keep the world from being uninhabited. According to Jesus and Lao Tzu that's what keeps things rolling.
The key to all this is to trust that the present moment will bring forth what is needed and that to meddle with it and try to pull more out than it wants to give up is somehow wrong; a denial of the 'Father', a misuse of the 'Way'.
"As for those who would take the whole world To tinker as they see fit, I observe that they never succeed: For the world is a sacred vessel Not made to be altered by man. The tinker will spoil it; Usurpers will lose it."
Everything we try to hold onto to, to keep, to preserve, dies in our grip and becomes a corpse we carry with us. Hauling the past around is an unbearable burden. Hoping for a better day 'bye and bye' is the thief that breaks in and steals the treasure the 'king' bestows every passing moment inasmuch as it makes me want to ignore the providential divinity present in the moment. Holding on to the past or grasping for the future means we have turned our back on the ways and means of the Kingdom of God Jesus spoke of.
We as a society have done it and we've got the culture to prove it.
Below is a video I made involving moving away from my house on 'the hill' in New York to the north coast of Oregon. It will be a multi-part attempt to make sense of everything.
Early this morning there was a thunder storm with high wind gusts and torrential rain. It began abruptly. The winds blew part of the awning of the deck off. It was brief but violent. The amount of rain was incredible given the amount of time it rained.
I unplugged the computer, disconnected the internet cable and decided to write a poem about the squall on battery power. As I began to write I thought illustrating it with a video would be effective. The videos and still photographs below is what I came up with.
The thought inspiring the poem is that one moment leads inexorably to the next. The future and the past are connected by the present which makes the moment take on a great importance.
Also in my thoughts was the transitory nature of experience. It didn't rain all day. It changed from one moment to the next. First one thing was happening, then another thing. Both experiences even though different were organically connected by the preceding moment. This is the process of creating the future and it indicates to me the 'oneness' of experience, reality and time.
The video is below the text of the poem.
Moment by Moment
Thunder comes in a long continuous rumble like the sound of an approaching freight train but richer with a more melodious timbre,
lightning stabs at trees on the hilltop. Rain and wind appear fierce, suddenly suddenly ripping panels from the deck and dropping them on the steps.
The next moment the wind is gone, rain falls quietly having no memory of the moment before.
Later today there was this:
And sunshine. What do these moments say?
Poem and visual elements Copyright 2009 by David H. Roche
A herd of a hundred or more elk came to graze in the pasture next to trailer park. Some left the confines of the pasture and ambled out onto the adjoining lawns. There are said to be three herds of elk in the area. Two of the bulls had racks of at least ten points and maybe twelve. There were several bulls with smaller racks.
It is impressive to see these elegant statuesque creatures. They go where they want to go. I was more impressed with their quiet animal spirit.
They noticed me and were aware of my movements with the camera so they kept an eye on me. I came within twenty to twenty-five feet of them with nothing between us but grass. They seem to be quite well adjusted to the infringement of noisy trouble makers like me and my kind into their primeval world.
I wasn't the only one to come and gaze at them. When the word was out that the herd had come to the pasture, occupants released themselves from their houses, computers and televisions and came to stand on the grass and watch with awestruck fascination.
Why can an event like this wrench us from our domestic routines to gaze in wonder at wild things that we have long parted company with? My personal feeling is that it is like getting a long distance phone call from the home we ran away from and for which there is an unrecognized need to return to.
I hope you enjoy the visuals and the poem.
Photographs, video and poem Copyright 2009 by David H.Roche
I went to sunset beach at sunset. I found the sun just touching the rim of the ocean when I got there (an illusion, beautiful none the less)
I took the video and the photographs and when I came home and looked at them I wondered. Strangely what came to my mind were verses from the creation myth in Genesis:
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
It made me think; is life a circle or a line that terminates? So I let one track run over into the next to indicate the succession of days. Another thought came to me as well. Day and night light, and darkness are the same thing. They've been separated. Before the separation they were one.
Here's the video:
The Grateful Dead have always encouraged the taping and distribution of their concerts. So I don't think they'll mind me using this track.
Photos and videos mine, the music is by the Grateful Dead 'jammin' at the edge of magic'. the song is Dark Star (crashing).
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