Sock Puppets: The Presidents from Reagan To Rump (April Fool issue)

No one was surprised that the American Empire collapsed unexpectedly like the Twin Towers. Now that it's all said and done we can talk about it and perhaps gain some perspective on what happened. It was not only that it happened that was the biggest part of the surprise. It was the way it happened that blew everyone's mind. But it's worked out okay so far.

Here's what happened. All 50 states seceded on the same day leaving the President of the United States effectively the President of the District of Columbia and nothing more. It also stopped the United States from writing checks which had the effect of immediately ending the wars the U.S. was presently waging. Perhaps at one time in history people were willing to fight for free, but not in the 21st century. Not Americans at any rate. The effect of the announcement was like a sudden calm had filled the worlds spirit, or like when someone goes "Oooh" at the sight of the Grand Canyon at sunset. The world held its breath briefly.

The results of the unprecedented action on the part of the individual states had far reaching repercussions. The most striking and helpful was the direct result of no longer paying Federal Income Tax. 

With an extra two days pay in their pockets after the work week the new found cash caused the local economies to blossom. This growth unlike previous booms when the benefit was from a short term artificially created bubble, was natural growth. 

Another additional direct effect of the increased livability of society was a sharp decrease in the xenophobia that had risen to frightening heights under President Ronald Rump and his predecessor Donald Trump. The rest of the world as well had taken a deep breath from the regimen of continuous war and fear and economic hardship. There was a feeling, a sense that something big and good was coming upon them.


The causes for the decision to secede are even more remarkable. I'll try to give an overview of how it all went down.



The reasons have always been present. The causes stem from the struggles of the worker(s) with the corptocracy at it's core. There was a deeper spiritual reason, but we can't get into that area at this time. 

All it had taken for the American dream to blossom and die was just a few scant decades of collective bargaining. It was the unions that had made America the land of hopes and dreams for those living there. Before the union's intervention life for the worker was desperate. There was no middle class, only the rich and the poor, the haves and the have nots. The haves were intent on keeping what they had and if the have nots needed to be killed so be it. Such was the struggle of the worker with the corptocracy. 

The benefits gained were destined not to last. The battle was renewed by the administration of Ronald Reagan when he broke up Patco, the air traffic controllers union.  He did this at the outset of his disastrous and treacherous reign as the Continuously Forgetful Sock Puppet President of the United States. True to form the Americans loved him. He was cowboy tough and America was kicking ass.  It turned out it was kicking it's own ass, but it didn't know that at the time. Americans were just glad to be looking good and being tough again.

This action set the stage for what would follow. Attacking the Air Traffic Controllers union was like picking someone out of a crowd and killing him as a 'the gloves are off' signal to the corptocracy. The unions and the American Dream were laid to rest by that symbolic act at the beginning of the Sock Puppet Reagan regime. 

While it all didn't begin there it took off from there launched by his congenial, warm smile and slow moving cowboy ways. 

The discontented spirit of the people leading up to the decision to secede continued building through the administration of the wrinkled old face of his successor. 

So it was, through the different acts and changing scenes of the lineage of Sock Puppet Presidents it was soon clear that the only change was a change in Sock Puppets with the same invisible hand inside. Nonetheless it actually got much worse immediately after that. 

After that one of the most inept Sock Puppets ever to be POTUS failed in his duties to protect the American Nation and its People. His failure to intercept four aircraft on a sunny day over New York and Washington lead Americans into the unpleasant duty of paying for a war which is designed to never end. 

He is retired now and spends his time painting. The war he started cost several trillion dollars which is still being paid for, taken directly from the American Worker's paycheck. His banking friends sacked the economy and now he's rolling in the clover painting masterpieces. Think of all that could have been avoided if only he had done his god damned job on that bright sunny September day. 


After the Artist Sock Puppet left office the American electorate chose The Great Disappointment Sock Puppet. He came offering 'change'.  After he had left many felt 'short changed' at his lack of fealty to democratic principles and the common goodness required by the human condition.  

All of the above contributed to the watershed moment which made the Trump candidacy a given. During the Trump regime hardly anyone in the nation was well-off enough enough to enjoy what the American Dream was offering. Those who did enjoy the fruits of the American Dream, often did so by resorting to consumer debt which in turn made their lives worse instead of better. 

Combine that condition with the struggle against the tide of low wages and the need to hold two or more jobs just to keep from going under. The people were drowning and gasping in a sea of despair. Like those drowning in water grasping for straws to keep afloat they grabbed onto Trump and held on for dear life.

The Trump candidacy seized on the opportunity

created by his predecessors disastrous footsteps. Using the same old malarkey of nationalism, and America's inherent superiority over everyone on the planet he changed the consciousness of the nation. He kept the same old enemies and added 'immigrants' to the list of undesirables. He had promised to 'drain the swamp' of Wall Street malefactors. Once in command he did the opposite. In short the Sock Puppet Trump was moved by the same invisible hand that had set up the conditions for the present social miasma. The same invisible hand that had steered the course of the nation since right after it's inception.

It wasn't long before just about everyone understood they had been fooled. Their sudden freshet of hope turned into a murky sewer of disappointment. There was an upsurge of hate crimes and a decreased livability factor in society. America had lost again. Alas,even the Great Sock Puppet Donald Trump hadn't been able to save America. But he did his best. It just wasn't what was needed and it didn't work.

Surprisingly the Trump regime was not the worst that had ever been. The worst was yet to come. As a result of governmental malfeasance by the time the Ronald Rump Presidency had

commenced 40 % of the major cities in the U.S. resembled Dresden Germany in the aftermath of Allied bombing. Detroit is an excellent example of the trend of the nation's cities. But it was not only Detroit, the American People along with their hopes and dreams were being sucked downward in a dizzy, spiraling vortex of economic despair, political and global uncertainty and fear in every form imaginable. A word of hope was considered a fairytale. That's how bleak the prospects had become.

In the past these conditions were seen as sufficient cause for revolt. Be that as it may Americans have

learned to suffer and endure rather than to rise up in revolt. But the Rump regime did something it came to regret. The entire dismemberment of the nation most likely would never have taken place otherwise.

So here's how it went down. Tyrants always want more authority and always want the subjects to know he or she has that authority and to make sure the subjects respect that authority. Sock Puppet Rump did just that. What he did was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Over the years the American people had been winning in their struggle to regain the right to use marijuana.  Almost 2 / 3 of the states had legalized and enjoyed the regained freedom. The individual states that had legalized marijuana were now realizing the benefits of large influxes of revenue to their state budgets. The decrease in police and

court related expenses added up to savings on the 
other end. Rump shutdown legal cannabis businesses because of threats from the religious right which posed a danger to his re-election. However, for the most part the entire populace was aghast! Say it ain't so! Oh no!

It took the stunned nation about three months to respond. This was a record in anyone's book. In that period of time every federal lawmaker was besieged by fellow lawmakers and voters alike on this one topic. Ideas were broached and built up steam and continued building rapidly. New visions for the future gripped the hearts and minds of the people. They could do it, they knew they did not need or want endless war. It was the moment of moments when the tsunami of public discontent finally reached shore. The end came stealthily and abruptly.

In the three months since the crackdown and leading up to the decisive action by the lawmakers the connection of the present problems to all the years since 1980 had been made clear. Trickle Down Economics was just as big a pile of shit as Trump's wall. The Rump presidency was the logical conclusion of the purposes of government with regard to the citizen. 

However the threads which bind the system of social relations together had begun to fray. The thread which began unravelling afresh with Reagan's attack on the working class and which inexorably lead to what is now acknowledged as an 'endless war', was starting to unravel. The thread was separated further from the fabric when Clinton did away with Glass-Steagall
enabling the destruction of the economy. Society became an incubator for crime which was rising right along with demagogues like Trump and Rump.   

From Reagan to Rump the people had bought a pig in a poke for President. They were told to go shopping and not ask any serious questions about why everything sucked so badly. But it was the easy access to hy-grade pot that kept the lid on things when they got real bad. 

Just as important the tax revenue aided the individual states in improving the quality of life for its citizens. Both of these factors were what made the current of discontent that had long been kept below the surface for so much of American life go live. It was a Popeye moment when the people had all they could stand and weren't gonna stand for it anymore and for once everyone of their elected representatives saw eye to eye with them.  

Lawmakers had worked behind the scenes night and day and weekends for three months. On April 1 a special joint session of both houses was assembled and, according to plan, when the opening gavel slammed down, the plan to secede was put up for a vote and inside of one minute every voice said 'Yea'. The pronouncement was followed immediately by a spontaneous, exuberant chorus of yeas and unrestrained hilarity the size and scope of which the halls of congress had never before contained, nor had it ever been imagined.

Just like that it was finished. And that was the beginning of The Commonwealth of The Individual States of America.

Ten years have come and gone since then.  I bet you're wondering how it all worked out.  So far, so good. It has proceeded just as hoped. First of all ISIS no longer had an enemy to fight because the Federal government lost its income. State armories were confident they could handle anything from ISIS should such a requirement occur. They had most of the same equipment that the military had in their arsenals. Beside that there is a mutual aid agreement among the members of the former Union should things get out of hand. So far it hasn't proved necessary. After the bombing stopped ISIS fighters went back to their herds and families and tried to forget we existed. 

More good news is that each state of the former United States has fully legalized marijuana and this act alone has rejuvenated communities all over the land.  Each state and many counties have annual cannabis competitions and fairs where growers, merchants and manufacturers show their wares. There hasn't been a war since the last check of the former Federal Government was cashed. It's costly to wage war without taxpayers footing the bill so war isn't a priority for The Commonwealth of The Individual States of America.

Being liberated in all respects The Commonwealth of The Individual States of America have also become tourist destinations.  The influence of the nascent Cannabis Industry resulted in the offering of low impact, laid back, cushy exotic getaway vacation spots.  Everyplace was wide open and folks enjoyed their newly discovered liberty. From the snow topped mountains, to the prairies, to the ocean, to the fruited plains, to backyards where neighbors are now able to get together without fear and let freedom ring.  

It might almost be said removing the Federal Government had been a blessing to everyone the world over, not just Americans. So far The Commonwealth of Individual American States has not had a single terrorist attack. And they have not attacked anyone else either. Everyone envies the freedom in the States now.  The reduction of war in the world is a blessing almost everyone in the world is rejoicing in.

You may be wondering what happened to President Ronald Rump after the break up of the union.  Well, he is now President of The District of Columbia. His Presidential duties include standing in a guardhouse on the sidewalk in front of the deteriorating White House where he greets visitors and signs autographs for $1 each. For $10 he'll let you take a selfie with him.  And for $50 you can take him to dinner any day of the week including Saturdays and Sundays.

President Rump's role is merely a tourist attraction for the city of Washington D.C.  He has no official capacity and if the truth be told the job was created for him out of pity so he could keep his five sons, seven daughters and three wives off the city's welfare rolls.  

Like the saying goes: "All's well that ends well."

The End

Note to the reader.  The highlighted letters contain links which affirm what is in the story. Not all the information in this report is factual.  Most seems to be about right and some is definitely right on the money.  

(C) 2017 David H. Roche