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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Karma Munitions: a report on the new class of moral weaponry from Pie In The Face News

The pacifists choice when it comes to violence

Ending Gun Related Violence

With Karma Munitions ®
Texts in white are links to information related to this article.


A lot of people are concerned about gun related violence.  Michael McLaughlin has broken down the statistics involving gun violence to a day to day perspective in this Huffington Post article. In the article McLaughlin reveals what daily life looks like on the wrong end of a gun in the U.S.

“If Americans misbehaved on Jan. 15, 2013, as they typically do, then there were 30 gun-related murders and 162 people wounded by firearms in the country, based on the most recent figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. On top of that, another 53 people kill themselves with a firearm each day, according to the CDC.

Breaking it down further, three people are killed by a gun per hour and almost seven people are shot every 60 minutes.” 

That’s the facts, Jack! 

Believe it or not this statistic implies improvement representing lower gun violence than was previously the norm. But it still makes going to get a snack at the corner store a lot like trying to dash across the freeway.  Sometimes you make it, sometimes you don’t.

The right to bear arms should be understood as inalienable to all citizens.  Unfortunately the U.S. itself has been trying to water this concept down.  However it remains one of the centerpieces of the 10 commandments of Democracy in the constitution of the United States.

Do I own a gun?  No. I don’t believe I need one. My enemies are few.  I generally keep to myself because… well … I don’t like to share my innermost feelings with very many people.  That approach creates enemies.   Check out what John Giorno says. You might learn something helpful.

My neighbors have guns, I’m counting on them.  If necessary I will support my neighbors by throwing rocks in the same way other oppressed people do.  Throwing rocks will have the same effect as their pop guns. We will die in solidarity.

 The fact remains; if you desire a weapon you should be able to have one.  Your government has proven ineffective in protecting you and even if the government was doing a great job you might be unhappy without a weapon.  You should be able to have not just one weapon, but enough to defend against the tyranny suspected by the minds who conceived the constitution if that’s how you feel.  That tyranny is thought to exist in all attempts at governing human beings.

 Some folks in Idaho are steamed up on the issue and are willing to discriminate against potential buyers of weapons due to their political choices. I may be wrong but understand this to be a violation of civil liberties guaranteed by the bill of rights.  Such political thought is anti-American to its core.  Its contrary to the principles of the profit motive and indicative of the responsibility of news outlets in creating public opinion.

To meet the need of reducing gun violence in the United States, Karma Munitions has introduced an entirely new way of marketing bullets.  Karma Munitions is the innovator of Karmaments, the think before you shoot bullet. Karmaments introduces an innovative way of allowing you to think you are safe from gun violence and acting responsibility.  The concept of pacifist ammunition becomes reality with the appearance of Karmaments, the pacifist’s bullet.  In any society rife with gun violence marketing this product in this way is a genuine money maker for any ammo dealer.

The manufacturers of Karmaments believe this marketing scheme creates a product designation whose time has arrived. Karmaments ammunition puts the shooter in charge of the use of his or her ammunition.  This sense of moral and ethical empowerment is calculated to reduce the number of gun related hospital admissions according to the manufacturers claim. 

Karmaments represent a unique approach to marketing self-defense and pacifism while increasing sales in a hostile social / political climate.  This unique sales arrangement requires the purchaser to sign a statement of intent never to use a Karmament Bullet without first thinking of what he or she is going to shoot instead of shooting first and asking questions later.

No conventional armament maker has such a contract with the purchaser.  Karma Munitions, the makers of Karmament, the pacifist’s choice in tools of violence, has pioneered this concept and is proud to be the ammunition recommended most by most domestic violence counselors in the entire state of Kentucky .   Some parents in the state are now voluntarily informing teachers at their pre-school when their child has a loaded weapon in their possession.  Marjorie LockJaw of Possum Hole put it this way:  “We volunteered to do it ourselves so the gubmint didn’t come and take our guns.”

The product is marketed as Karmaments instead of armaments because the shooter must stop and think before shooting in order to avoid the accumulation of negative karma. If the user of Karmaments is found using this product in violation of the standard Karma Munitions sales agreement the user is subject to having a real bad time for quite a while.

This new Karmaments approach to marketing tools of violence should make both libs and conservatives able to decide how to frame sensible gun legislation. 

Have a nice day folks, I hope no one reading this gets shot today, but if they do I hope it’s with a Karmament Bullet, the pacifists choice when it comes to violence.

This has been an op-ed from the editorial staff at Pie in the Face News.  Some of the information in this report is accurate some of it is bullshit. The important part is the idea you got from it and took with you.  That’s yours.  If you were offended be thankful we still have a first amendment.

Pie In The Face News has been making people scratch their heads and ask: ”WTF?” for several years.  Hopefully it still has that effect today.

This article is meant to be received in the spirit of social satire. If you’re offended, had your feathers ruffled, ask yourself why.  Karma requires it. And read the bill of rights again.

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A practitioner of the art of living with the intent of learning how to die without fear.