The Kratschitz Foundation announced its annual choice for the ignominious "Low Achievers" award. This year the honor goes to the Federal Government. It wasn't long after the winner was announced that Uncle Sam's first name was revealed by "Poor People Need Food Too." "Poor People Need Food Too" a newly organized grass roots pro food rights activist group carried signs which had printed on them the words: "Uncle Sam's first name is Ebenezer" and "Uncle Ebenezer Sam!"
The Kratschitz Foundation chooses one public organization which by its efforts has produced the greatest sense of hopelessness in the current year. For year 2013 the choice was an easy one.
The Kratschitz Foundation's annual "Low Achievers" award winner was announced in conjunction with the revelation the federal government had appropriated another 60 billion dollars from food stamp programs to invest in a get rich quick oil scheme with a co-conspirator on the opposite side of the border.
Until two days ago it was certain the Democratic party was a shoo in for the award for the second straight year. But that was before their Republican comrades joined together with them agreeing to reduce the amount of food aid for the poor just before the holidays. It was this singular slap in the face to the poor and elderly that enabled the Kratschitz Award committee to make the choice easily.
The increased hardship of hunger brought to rest on the backs of the most vulnerable is not the only accomplishment of the food stamp defunding. In many communities this decision is certain to increase shoplifting and other petty crime resulting in police overtime and jail overcrowding. While all of the above are major factors in choosing the award recipient it was the cold blooded choice to let entire families go without food right at the time of seasonal festivities that tipped the scales in favor of the Federal Government receiving the annual "Low Achievers" award from the Kratschitz Foundation.
President Offal declined the honor of receiving the award saying he had already agreed to reprieve the national turkey for Thanksgiving. He assured the public he was not referring to the Vice president whom he said would beat the charges when he "has his day in court."
But in a public assembly across the street from the white house a good sized crowd cheered as the award was presented to an actor dressed as Uncle Ebenezer Sam. Ebenezer gave an impromptu speech thanking the Kratschitz Foundation for the award. After his speech he disrobed to his skivvies which were decorated with a Humpty Dumpty design.
This is a Pie in the Face News Report where the story is true but the facts are wrong.